Tuesday, October 25, 2011


I am not a big fan of heights or roller coasters. Disneyland is as big a roller coaster as I can handle. Too bad for me this week is one of those “roller coaster” weeks. Up one minute and down the next. Lifted on a wave of hope and courage and then down into fear and uncertainty. Uggh…I just feel sick to my stomach.

Mentally pacing the floor, I anxiously waited to talk with mom to find out how the PET scan went. The PET scan helps to see where the cancer is, how far it has spread, and what will be necessary on surgery day and after. I think the cruel reality of it all is starting to sink in. I can feel my heart skip a beat and my mind feels more like I stepped off the Tea Cup ride - relentlessly spinning. I just need more time with her.

While hubby/grandpa was keeping the grandbaby occupied, dinner was on the stove, and, being the multi-tasker that I am, I placed the phone call to my mom. I love my blue tooth headset!

She answered the phone and sounded remarkably good. And, she was even eating! I know, sounds odd, but she hasn’t been eating more than a few bites a day for months, living on coffee and cigarettes. Nothing sounds good, and living alone with a houseful of dogs, she hasn’t had the energy or desire to cook. It’s too bad; she can make something wonderful out of very few ingredients. She has always been able to make a gourmet meal out of hamburger. And, she passed that along to me as I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with her as a child. Yea, I’m sure you caught the “coffee and cigarettes” statement… ‘nuf said.

So, where is the lesson in all of this? I’m still pretty numb. All I can do is be thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who carries me through these times. I don’t have anything profound or particularly enlightening – yet. All for YOUR glory, Lord!

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. — 1John 4:18-19

1 comment:

  1. Hello, my dear "new bloggy buddy" friend. I feel your anxiety in these words, but you know as well as I that the only way to neutralize the ups and downs of your roller coaster is by keeping God closer than the ride. Just as He created you and loves you enough to die for, He loves your mom just as much. Just keep the "c" word in lower case and let God tower above it. Sure, it's an ugly word, but it's not a death sentence. God CAN extinguish any and all traces of it, and DOES often, praise His name! As much worry and concern as this may cause, please understand where I'm coming from when I say that this isn't your battle. Don't let it consume you and overtake the seeds of joy God has planted in your life. Look beyond it to the victory that waits on the other side. This is your mom and of course, you love her and your mind goes to all the things you wish were different - I think you're seeing this as a threat to your time with her...it's that one thing over which you have no control and it's threatening your opportunity to somehow right all the wrongs of many years. Don't show the enemy how you can squirm under his thumb. Show him Who keeps you standing through the storm.
    Sending a heart of love your way today,


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