I am not a big fan of heights or roller coasters. Disneyland is as big a roller coaster as I can handle. Too bad for me this week is one of those “roller coaster” weeks. Up one minute and down the next. Lifted on a wave of hope and courage and then down into fear and uncertainty. Uggh…I just feel sick to my stomach.
Mentally pacing the floor, I anxiously waited to talk with mom to find out how the PET scan went. The PET scan helps to see where the cancer is, how far it has spread, and what will be necessary on surgery day and after. I think the cruel reality of it all is starting to sink in. I can feel my heart skip a beat and my mind feels more like I stepped off the Tea Cup ride - relentlessly spinning. I just need more time with her.
While hubby/grandpa was keeping the grandbaby occupied, dinner was on the stove, and, being the multi-tasker that I am, I placed the phone call to my mom. I love my blue tooth headset!
She answered the phone and sounded remarkably good. And, she was even eating! I know, sounds odd, but she hasn’t been eating more than a few bites a day for months, living on coffee and cigarettes. Nothing sounds good, and living alone with a houseful of dogs, she hasn’t had the energy or desire to cook. It’s too bad; she can make something wonderful out of very few ingredients. She has always been able to make a gourmet meal out of hamburger. And, she passed that along to me as I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with her as a child. Yea, I’m sure you caught the “coffee and cigarettes” statement… ‘nuf said.
So, where is the lesson in all of this? I’m still pretty numb. All I can do is be thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who carries me through these times. I don’t have anything profound or particularly enlightening – yet. All for YOUR glory, Lord!
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. — 1John 4:18-19