Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Fight Within

This little light of mine...
Photo by Tami Collins
Some may have noticed an absence of information about my mom’s recent cancer surgery. A short and less painful version is that she came through the operation with flying colors. They took a 1” x 2” piece of her tongue (approximately) along with all of her lymph nodes in her neck on both sides. Three nodes had turned into cancer containing tumors. They took a skin graft from her left thigh to cover the exposed tongue tissue and gave her a feeding tube that she will be using for up to six months.  She had the staples from her neck incisions and gauze packing that was sewn into her mouth removed yesterday. According to her, the doctor is pleased with her recovery so far. Even though she went home and immediately picked up a pack of cigarettes and proceeded to make up for lost time.

Mom - the night
before surgery.
If you are sensing a bit of frustration and distance, you are absolutely right. My sisters and I spent a week up there in hotels and such beating our heads against a wall trying to get her and the “caregivers” of her choice to understand the seriousness of it all. Taking her to hang out at the smoke-filled bar was not in her best interest. But, you can’t fix stupid I guess. So, we left them to themselves, trying to touch bases when someone will answer the phone at her house, knowing that we will get an ear full of something less than the truth.

The whole experience has left me ragged and jaded. I have had a terrible time decompressing from the whole thing. Although I have learned to separate myself from things that my mom says and does, it is frustrating none the less to witness such a determined will running head-on into danger. The only thing that I CAN do is to leave it at the Lord’s feet and beg for His peace and presence to cover me and calm my anxieties. Then, maybe I can beat back the voices and thoughts that come to tear me down and wreak havoc in my life.

“We wrestle not against flesh and blood…”Ephesians 6:12

Because HE Loves Me…

"The wisdom that comes from Heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness"
James 3:17-18

Every day I get a series of “emails from God.” If they didn’t speak so directly to me, I would just read them as great little tidbits of insight and knowledge. But, the Lord loves me fiercely and knows he has my attention. Today was no different. As I started to type up this blog post this morning, I was also reading my emails and had to stop, shake my head, and wipe the tear away as He once again did not disappoint.

He reminded me in today’s post on ElijahList from Victoria Boyson that, “It is essential that we all seek to guard our hearts with the love of God because “love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). The Lord has warned us in Matthew 24:12 that the love of many will grow cold because of the increase of lawlessness, “but he who stands firm to the end will be saved” (v. 13). The only way of guarding our hearts is for our hearts to be bound to the Lord. Any places in our hearts that are not yielded to the Lord are areas of vulnerability to the enemy.

We must not pray for others out of a sense of frustration or anger. The greatest and safest prayer we can pray for ourselves and others is “THY will be done!” Not their will or our will, but pray earnestly for God's will to be accomplished in their life.”

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.” —Luke 6:37
“...For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”— Luke 6:38

So, I wrap up my day having been counseled in the Lord. The Lord, whose banner over me is LOVE. And, He is the lifter of my head. To HIM be all glory and honor forever and ever!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post, my friend. I love to see you "grow," in your relationships with others and your relationship with God. You are an inspiration :) I especially love: "We must not pray for others out of a sense of frustration or anger. The greatest and safest prayer we can pray for ourselves and others is “THY will be done!” Not their will or our will, but pray earnestly for God's will to be accomplished in their life.” Very important to remember :) Much love and many prayers to you as you let all this stuff settle. Blessings, Debbie

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